I hope you’ll enjoy this comedic article featuring 10 entirely fictional, corny Tudor Christmas movie plots (better left unmade).
1. Dancing in the Snow starring Henry Pricetobpaid Tudor, Kate Howardton, and Tom Cullenpepper. A young Queen learns a Christmas carol with the help of a young and dashing music teacher from her childhood. Only singing soon leads to dancing…and more. She can’t help but open her heart to the Christmas spirit and love. Disaster threatens and her hopes dashed by her grinch husband, the King. Will his heart grow with Christmas love or will she need to hang up her dancing shoes forever?
2.Christmas in Calais starring Harry R. Tudor and Annie Bullen. News travels fast, unless you’re in Calais! Who knew the dashing young man with the ginger beard was the king? Certainly not the independent, French mannered, lady-in-waiting. In this comedy of errors, laugh as the young Annie Bullen is the only person willing to tell Harry no— and he can’t get enough! Will she say, “yes” when it matters most?
3. A Tale of Tapestries starring Harry Hairy Tudor and Kate Aragonmonki Katherine has a steady hand when it comes to weaving, but her presence is steady at home too. A little too steady. She weaves tapestries to tell the tales of great kings and queens but forgets to live… and love. All that changes when Harry, the younger brother of her childhood sweetheart, captures her heart (and steadies her busy hands) and gives her a Christmas worthy of a tapestry.
4. The Most Happy Time of the Year starring Henry Rexy, Anne Boulin, and Tommy Cromwell. Happily married couple Henry and Anne have just had a daughter and life should be fantastic, so what could be wrong? Henry wants something desperately— for Anne to love Christmas as much as him. Can she find happiness in the garland and games before it’s too late? With the help of his best friend Tommy Cromwell Henry plots out everything for a most happy Christmas. What could go wrong?
5. Misrule of the Heart starring Kateryn Parrfait, Henry Rexy Tudor, and Tom Slymour. Widower Kateryn is done with bad boys or so she thought. When the dashing and rogue Tom moves into the castle next door, she realizes she loves him but it’s too late— she’s agreed to marry Henry, who never accepts no. This holiday season, Kateryn may just get her wish when the Lord of Misrule reverses her partners, letting her be with her crush Tom for the 12 days of Christmas. Will it be everything she expected?
6. A Gift Returned starring Hank R. King and Jane Say’amour. Jane has devoted her life to her career and given up on love. She can’t believe it when she starts to receive Christmas gifts from a secret admirer. Unwilling to play games, she returns the gifts unopened. Only when she finds her Father’s neighbour Hank staring at her at a Christmas party does she discover who sent the gifts. Will Jane realize she still has the most valuable gift left to return? Love.
7. Upside Down Christmas starring Harry Tooter and Anna O’Clever. Most people know what they want for Christmas and Harry is no different. He sees the perfect gal online and lucky for him Anna travels halfway across the world to meet him. Only instead of love at first sight, it’s a disaster! Harry feels like he’s kissing his sister and Christmas is ruined! When an angel teaches Harry the many types of love he realizes that adopting Anna as his sister is the Christmas gift he never knew he always wanted.
8. Christmas for the Axeman starring Kitty Howardton. When the beautiful young Queen winks at young courtier Tom, he feels like all his Christmas wishes are coming true. But when the pair are caught under the kissing bough, the King orders them beheaded. In a Christmas miracle, it begins to snow and the axeman is delayed. By the time the snow has stopped, it’s Christmas and no work-not even chopping heads- is allowed. Can the young couple soften the king’s heart and teach him to love again before Plough Monday?
9. The Unexpected Trinity starring Hank ‘the Rex’ Tudor and Chuck Brandondon. Two lifelong best friends Hank and Chuck party all the time and Christmas is no different — that is until a baby appears. Both Hank and Chuck could be the Father so together they learn to change diapers, soothe wails, and wish to save their friendship and sanity. Can the bros tame their wild ways and raise baby Fitzzy together, regardless of who the biological dad turns out to be? They might need a Christmas miracle!
10. The Sister Christmas Swap starring Mary Badrap Tudor and Lizzie Tudor Tizzy. Big sister Mary has one Christmas wish- that her younger sister Lizzie will behave herself! Little sister Lizzie asks Santa for an older sister who cares more about her and less about roasting chestnuts on an open fire. When the last Christmas star rises in the sky, their wishes come true. No one could have expected that in order to get their wishes and learn the true meaning of Christmas, a body swap would be necessary!
Mary Stuart Head makes her big screen debut as Mary, Queen of Shortbread. A young queen, renowned for poor decisions and her troubled love life, decides to throw caution to the wind and follow her dreams to open a bakery in the Scottish Highlands. This Christmas, Mary will surprise herself with her entrepreneurial skills and find that love is once again lurking in the very baker she hired to make her favourite shortbread. Will she get burned?
Published December 7, 2023.